It begins early
From the second a child is conceived our parents obsess over what the sex of their baby will be. The excitement, and even bets as it has gone in my family, are all surrounding the gender of the child to be. While this may seem harmless, it can be detrimental if that obsession with gender continues, as it almost always does. There is nothing wrong with wanting to know the gender of a child and the excitement surrounding this fact is innocent. However, if we look closer we may find that this very natural curiosity can breed harmful obsession with what is and is not “gender appropriate.”
Day one
From the moment we are brought into the world the notion of gender surrounds us. As we come out of our mother’s womb the doctor proclaims “It’s a boy or It’s a girl!” Then they place us on our mother’s chest only later to be whisked away to be cleaned and dressed in the standard blue or pink outfit. There it is. There is the beginning of being shoved into a box. Blue or pink. Blue if you’re a boy and pink if you’re a girl.
Mayhem just broke loose
Here come the thoughts. The scrolling to leave this page. “What is wrong with that? She has lost her mind!” you think to yourself. Let’s everyone simmer down for a moment and hear the rest of what I have to say. I am by no means saying that I am not a contributor to this behavior nor do I think that everyone who paints a boy’s room blue and a girl’s room pink is a despicable monster.
Now that I have got most of you back, let’s get deeper into this issue. I know that it is the way of the world to classify people as male or female. I understand that the idea of a “genderless” world is impossible to achieve. I understand that there are simple, logical reasons that we differentiate between the two sexes.
It is human nature to feel the need to separate things into their categories. Some more than others. I am by no means calling for a “genderless” world. I simply want to explore the fact that we as a society put too much emphasis on gender and therefore create notions like what is and is not “gender appropriate.”
I think it is fine to dress your daughter in dresses and bows and boys in hats and pants. Some people may feel that it’s wrong, I don’t. I feel that you should dress your children how you’d like and paint their rooms how you’d like.
The real point and concern
My concern is that when a child is old enough to have their own opinions and preferences, which starts extremely early on as my niece and nephews have proven to me, is it such a bad idea to listen?
I am not saying you should let your kid run naked through the streets or wear underwear as a hat. I am saying that as parents, the type of parent that I want to be, we should assert that our children be dressed age appropriately and be clothed but also allow our children to have some say in what they are comfortable in.
The same goes for toys. I was never one to narrowly conform to gender specific toys. Sure I may have had an easy bake oven or a doll but I was just as intrigued with a basketball and toy guns. Luckily my parents, to some extent, were not gender Nazis that forced me to play with Barbie dolls and like it.
I am essentially the same today. My appearance and the way that I like to present myself still provide a feminine picture. However, I do feel that I am highly androgynous. I feel that I have an equal amount of characteristics, personality-wise that are normally placed in a masculine box and feminine box.
I like who I am and feel that my parents did a good job at allowing me to play with the boys and girls too. This I also partially attribute to my assumption that it is much easier for our society to accept a young girl playing sports and getting dirty than it is to accept a boy playing with Barbie and makeup.
For young girls, at least in my case, our dads are proud of our “tom boy” ways. They take pride in seeing their daughter be able to stand their ground. However, our mothers might feel differently; as I am sure mine did.
For young boys it is much harder to be interested in things typically sanctioned by society for girls. Boys are told they are supposed to be tough and strong. They shouldn’t cry or whine. Girls are told to be quiet, ladylike and sensitive.
This is where I begin to have an issue. I don’t think that we should instill these “gender appropriate” notions in our children’s heads. We should worry more about instilling things like being kind to others, creating friendships, standing up for yourself, having confidence, and being accepting of differences in our kids.
If society worried more about instilling values in our children and creating an environment that is conducive to learning, growth and acceptance we would all be better off.
So your daughter prefers sneakers and a baseball cap and your son prefers dolls and the color pink. What does that have to do with determining whether or not they are good and worthy?
Strides Towards An Equal America 